Reality Check In A Bag

A friend asked me what I was doing today and told me, "I am packing my hospital bag."  I immediately thought, 'yeah, I should probably get on that'.  Seeing as how Neil could decide to make his appearance at any point.  I might only be 35 weeks, but as sure as I get comfortable with the idea of him coming is 5 weeks, he will decide to debut tonight as soon as my head hits the pillow.  No bueno.  I am ready to meet him, but not tonight.  K? Matt is out of town.  Thanks!

That brings me to my hospital bag.  Nothing brings a dose of reality like having to pack a bag to take to the hospital in case of labor, not imaginary labor, but actual pushing a baby out of your body labor.  Whoa Nelly!  I will spare you all of the not so blog friendly things that have to go into your "reality bag" and share with you what I wish was going into my hospital bag.  In theory ALL of these things would make me feel better during and after delivery.

And those are just to name a few.

This whole experience is really making me examine was is going to happen to my body in the aftermath of having a child.  Again, I will spare you the details because I think typing it out would make me blush.  However, I am a firm believer that if teenagers, male and female, knew all of the gory details about childbirth...they would definitely think twice about playing seven minutes in heaven...if you know what I mean.

So to all of the parents of teenagers out there, Halloween is coming up and kids always like a good horror story, why not really freak them out and tell them about Labor and Delivery!

Consider that my PSA for the week.

I may need a chill pill.

Why you might ask?  Well I have noticed in the last 4-5 days I have grown incredibly feisty over seemingly simple things.  So I feel like I might need to just chill out.  Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones creeping up on me or maybe it is just my repressed inner raging biyatch that is clawing it's way out.  Who really knows the truth, but I think I will choose to believe it is the hormones.  Right?  Right!

Proof that I may be one long line or idiot away from becoming the next headline news topic:

1.  The golf pro at the Mountain View Golf Course almost lost his bleached tips when I considered taking a 5-iron to his head when he refused me the right to take a golf cart.  No, I was not golfing, but does he not know who my husband is?  That is what I thought.

2.  I hate self check out lines.  They are not helpful or "quick".  Either what you scan is not picked up by the bagging area or the clerk has to "check for item" or "enter code".   Yet, I still go to these lines, managing to convince myself that it will be quicker, but I end up leaving the store contemplating shaking up my coke bottle and spewing it on everyone in a 5 foot radius.

3.  Matt plays on a softball team.  Some members of said team were cut and were complaining about it at last night's softball game in front of me (again not realizing who my husband was).  I set them straight...I may or may not have used cuss words.  No worries, I did put ear muffs on Neil.

4.  When are the grocery stores around here going to realize that this is a military town and that people come from all walks of life to live here, included THE SOUTH.  In THE SOUTH, we eat grits.  I want them, cheese ones in particular.  How much trouble would it be really to carry them on your shelves.  

5.  Our rental company told us when we moved in, the tree next to our driveway is not our responsibility and that they will take care of trimming it.  Well...fast forward 4 months and factor my inability to pull my car into my garage without taking it through a rain forest and what you end up with is a pregnant woman going all Rambo with the clippers.   It should also be stated that I hate our rental company in general.

6.  My dishwasher hates me and refuses to work for me.  I hate my dishwasher b/c it doesn't work for me.  It is a vicious cycle.  At any given point you will hear me slamming it around.  Matt doesn't worry because he knows that we don't like each other.

That being said...I need a new mantra.

Remote Possibility

There is a  remote possibility that this is a picture of me.  

No?  You don't think so?  This is a pretty close representation.

As my belly expands, I am feeling so many different things.

I am learning how to roll around in bed like a rolly polly, bend at my knees because my belly won't let me go straight over, and I have also accepted the fact that I can no longer paint my own toe nails.  I have also learned that my belly is a perfect perch for many things:  hands, food, and most recently...my remote.

I have been feeling the baby move for a little over a month now, and finally a few weeks ago Matt was able to feel him as well.  The baby does like to play tricks on Matt and usually stops moving the second at call him over.  But I digress.  Last night the funniest thing happened, we were laying in bed, and I rested the remote on my belly.  After a few seconds I realized that not only was I able to feel Neil move, but you could physically see him kicking the remote.  

SO FREAKING COOL!

So yes, you are right, that in fact is not a picture of me, but it is a pretty good representation of what I may or may not look like the majority of the day.

Deep Vein Thrombosis or Death Via Thigh...you decide

Okay let's not freak out, but yesterday I thought I was dying. Fine, maybe not dying but I definitely was considering how I would be able to live without my left leg, because I was coming very close to sawing it off.  My Tuesday ended with the worst leg pain I have ever had in my entire life.  I thought it was a cramp, but cramps go away eventually right?  Right.  So after no sleep Tues. night,  trying every cramp trick in the book, waking Matt up with my tears, Matt convinced me I needed to call the doctor.  I knew the Dr. couldn't magically make my leg quit hurting, but being pregnant I can't really take anything other than tylenol, and I was hoping and praying they would call in a RX for a stronger pregnant lady friendly pain med.  No dice.  Their solution was to take Tums.  Um, okay. 

So in a 12 hour period, in effort to make my "cramp" go away I had done the following:

-Drank pickle juice (that's what athletes do)

-Ate 2 banana's (potassium and more potassium)

-Drank gatorade (maybe it was my electrolytes)

-Drank so much water I thought I was going to throw up if I even smelt water (I was drowning)

-Took a hot bath

-Massaged it

-Became best friends with a heating pad (only thing that provided some relief)

and last  but not least

-Took Tums (because apparently that is the fastest way to get some calcium in my bod)

It got better throughout the day, kinda.  At least it had graduated from making me want to chew my leg off to just being painful.  Then 3 o'clock hit and it was worse than ever.  I should say this:  I am calling it a cramp in my thigh because I don't know what else to call it.  It was not a charlie horse, it was not the run of the mill leg cramp, this felt like someone had drilled a hole through my leg.  I called my mom, in tears, because I wanted sympathy.  That is when she told me I needed to call the Dr. again.  But this time I called my friend Dr. Mary Beth. 

As soon as I told her my symptoms she drove straight to the house and took me to the ER.  She said I might have DVT or Deep Vein Thrombosis (blood clot) for short.  Turns out pregnant women are more susceptible to blood clots in the legs.  Fun Times!  

That is how I ended up with this, all wrapped up in hospital bracelets

I will take this moment to say, I hate going to the Dr. esp the ER.  To me the ER is for people who are missing limbs, giving birth in the back of a car, or coughing up blood. 

Obviously I didn't die, and I still have my leg in case you are wondering.  The ER Dr. told me I did the right thing by coming in because the symptoms I was having were definitely in like in DVT and it needed to be ruled out.  On a positive note, while they did the ultrasound of my leg, the sweet tech said, "lets look at your baby too." So I got to see my leg (weird) and my baby (freaking sweet and adorable already).  Turns out all they would give me at the ER was...you guessed it...Tylenol.  Turns out the Dr. didn't go for my suggestion of an epidural.  FML.

Fortunately I woke up this morning and as long as I am not walking or putting any kind of pressure on my leg it isn't that bad, kind of like an annoying head ache.

What did I find?

On our way home from San Diego we passed a Casino/Outlet Mall.  Yes, they were one and the same.  As soon as we saw the sign Matt and I started to drool.  For Matt casino = good time and for me a casino is more about what the buffet offers.  And really we all know that I agreed to stop because of...ding ding ding, the outlet mall!

No we did not technically win anything at the casino, but we did wiggle two free buffets out of the deal by signing up for a players card (that we immediately threw away, take that blackjack)!  But we did win at the outlet malls!

If you are having a baby or have a baby you know all to well the magical baby clothes kingdom that is Carter's and Osh Gosh.  Hello, baby clothes, coupons, sales, and more sales...what is not to love?  We definitely picked up a bunch of stuff. I know that some of you are posher mom's than I am and wouldn't be caught dead in a an outlet, but pshf...my baby is gonna be cute at a discount.

I also received a sweet package in the mail from our friends Katie and Matt B. and inside was one of my favorite things I have been given to date!  Isn't this the cutest onesie you ever did see?  I can't wait for him to wear it!  I realize that I am a complete loser that loves her dog to much...to the point that I would dress my child in this onesie (and love it). 

Neil will be so proud to have Duece as a big brother! 

Duece approves of the onsie!

The Run Down

This girl has been a traveling maniac.  For the past two weeks I have been on the road, first to Mississippi for a baby shower and then Matt and I left for San Diego to celebrate the Fourth of July.  So here is a run-down of what I have been up to, buckle up your seat belts!

First stop: Mississippi
Some sweet sweet family and friends threw a shower for baby Neil.  It was so exciting to go home.  Matt and I were in MS in March and had not been since.  Unfortunately, Matt didn't get to go with me, which I hated, but we made the best of the trip.  I got to spend several days with both of our families and capped it off with the shower.

The hostesses did a great job on the decor and food.  Personally, I think that the food is just about the most important part of any kind of shower.  Yes, people come to see you and "shower" you, but what they really want is food and cake. 

 My best friend Shannon even made it down from Nashville to be a part of the shower, and that made it even more special to me.  As I mentioned above on the rank of important things to have at a shower is cake.  My cake came from THE best bakery in town, Home Bake and Candy Shoppe.  This cake itself would have been enough to entice me to travel across the country.  I believe that Shannon may have come for the cake.

It was an awesome shower! I was so surprised by how many people came, ranging from people I see all the time to people I haven't seen in ages, regardless they were all special to me.  Let me tell you, after this shower, I know that baby Neil will want for nothing and is going to be so spoiled!

My mom and I also through an "after" baby shower for my cousin Amy.  Her little boy Smith is now 3 months old, and my mom wanted to do something special for Amy.

And like I mentioned above, food was a must!

By the time I got home, it was wash your clothes, and pack your bag again.  It was good by joe, we gotta go to San Diego!  I was really excited about this trip.  Matt isn't getting a lot of vacation time so we wanted to take full advantage of  it.  The sunny shores of SoCal were about 7 hours away and calling our name.

What we didn't realize is that between Sierra Vista and San Diego an approx 500 mile trip were 2 places to stop and this creepy RV park/gas station/run down roach motel was our gas oasis in the desert.  I was even willing to over look the signs in the bathroom that read:

"Please do NOT flush any toilet paper in the toilet, please put all paper in the waste basket."

Um, gross, I will let you imagine for yourself what that smelled like.

Our hotel was only about 4 blocks for the Metro Transit System of SD, so we decided to park the car for the weekend and make good use of it.  We thought it would take is really close to Balboa Park and the Zoo.  Apparently it only gets us about 2.5 miles away.  The said 2.5 mile walk was more like a 2.5 mile climb up a sheer face of Mt. Everest.  I. Was. Dying.  All the walking was followed by more walking once we got to the Zoo.  Apparently the San Diego Zoo did not get my memo about mandatory a Segway for all pregnant women and those with them.

The Elephants and Orangutans were the most entertaining to watch.  This orangutan hammed it up, rolled all over, scratched himself, and then made faces at all the children through the glass. 

The flamingos were so pretty and all of their chicks had just hatched about 4 weeks prior.  See those little gray birds, turns out baby flamingos are gray and actually don't turn their bright coral color for several years. Another interesting fact, the smaller giraffe in this picture was just born as well, Imara, and when she was born she had to fall 6 feet to the ground.  Good Lord, you would have thought her mom had to lay down, but nope, BAM and SPLAT.   I don't think Neil will have to worry about that.

Lesson I learned about San Diego:  The Langfords cannot pick a decent restaurant to save their life.

Notice the smiles?  Well that is before we got our food.  The Fish Market was recommended to us over and over again, but after dinner we would have to sadly disagree.  It was sub-par food for a premium price.  We should have known better, it seems that all big name touristy spots seem to have the same problem.

 

Yes, that is a bloody mary.  No, it does not have vodka.  Yes, I wish it did.  Yes, I realize it is basically spicy tomato juice.  Thanks for busting my bubble.

We loved visiting the Midway Museum.  So big and full of history, and Asian tourist.  We went on a harbor cruise before this, but you can't see any pictures of that because there were literally 2000 pushy and rude Asian tourists pushing, shoving, and stepping on my toes.  Matt and I were forced to seek shelter in the bottom of the boat where the camera would not take good pictures. 

We finished up the weekend with an afternoon at SeaWorld.

This is what SeaWorld looks like on a holiday weekend.  30,000 people once again pushing and shoving at the Sea Lion Show (amazing).  Fortunately I snapped this photo BEFORE the little boy sitting next to Matt and I ralphed his BBQ chips all over the man in front of him and everywhere else.  The worst part, the little boy's parents just sat there and did nothing, no apology or anything.  Um, how about taking your sick kid out of the sea lion show?  I think BBQ chips are off the menu for me. 

 

And my sweet husband won me this teddy bear.  Despite all of the people and all of the walking ( Matt figured it up and said we walked probably 15 miles the whole weekend), we had a really good time.  We are good road trip partners!  

How is this for weird

One of the things I look forward to every week is seeing what fruit/vegetable baby Neil is compared too!

So many websites have cool apps that week by week give you a relatable comparison to understanding how big your baby is.   

Hearing the Dr. say, "your baby weighs about 7 ounces", just doesn't mean much to me, I am not a weights and measurements type of person.  I can not relate to those kinds of numbers.  So every appointment I just stare into the eyes of my Dr. with a blank smile and pretend I know exactly what 5. 46575 ounces looks like.  

If he would say, "your baby looks like a sweet potato", I would be much more inclined to share a knowing smile with him, because food...well...THAT I can relate to!

Introducing Our Baby

We are having a boy! 

We are both very excited and we asked our ultrasound tech to snap this photo of us right after we found out.

I was lying there on the table as our ultrasound came to an end and the tech said, "Want to know what you are having?"

Umm...yeah!

I watched Matt as she revealed the sex, he was sitting in the chair next to me, and he hopped out of that seat, both hands in the air, like he had rocket boosters attached to his butt.  I think he had to try really hard to keep from giving out a loud yell, one of which would have certainly scared every patient in the office.  I have had a sneaking suspicion that it was a little boy.  We are both thrilled!

We we are introducing Robert Neil Langford to the blogosphere:

We had such a long ultrasound.  He was being extra bouncy, so it took the tech a long time to see all the benchmarks she was looking for.  She described him as being in a one of those bouncy chairs attached to a door frame, he is standing straight up, putting lots of fun pressure on my bladder.  I found out the good news that I no longer have to show up with a full bladder, hallelujah!  His little heart was pumping and beating like crazy, and is about the size of a quarter (how cool is that).  After a tough couple of weeks from our last ultrasound, we were relieved and incredibly thankful to still have a healthy growing baby.

Here is a progression of my expanding waistline: 

Can't wait to share the next update with y'all!

Wednesday Night Fight

Tonight's fight featured:

Popeye's  Friend Shrimp Po-boy and Mashed Potatoes with Gravy

versus

Chelle Langford

And the winner is....

Apparently tonight I had my first pregnancy related food aversion. 

Where have I been?

I know y'all have been playing a game of Where's Waldo with my blog.  I picture y'all sitting there on your couch in your pajamas constantly hitting the refresh button until you see that I have posted something new for you to read.  Oh wait...you haven't been doing that?  Well, darn.

Have I been busy?  No.  Have I been sick?  No.  Have I been lazy?  Of course, you can read my tag line can't you, I am a lay at home wife.  However, for now, I have decided to get off my lazy and ever expanding rump and blog.  I am not going to make excuses. PSYCH!  Of course I have an excuse.

I am pregnant.  Surprise!  Okay, not so much of a surprise anymore but this is my excuse.  I have been walking a fine line what to blog about, and so I just err on the side of not blogging at all.  It is obvious that Monkey-Loo has no defining purpose other than to update friends and family on the exciting, silly, and sometimes mundane things in the Langford house.  With twins on the way, things are bound to get A LOT crazier.  I don't want to become a blogger that only talks about being pregnant and what my Dr.'s appointments entail.  Trust me, you don't want all the boring details.    

So there, that is my excuse, and why I have been in a blogging funk.  But I just finished off the french onion dip, so I am in a great blogging mood.  And that brings me to my next point.

This is the world's greatest gift to me (as of this week).  I do not even feel a little guilty for eating it, because it was THAT good.  

So in summary:

Chelle is not dead, even though her blog seemed to be.

Chelle is pregnant and lazy, no surprise there.

Chelle is sorry.

Chelle loves french onion dip.