Happy Halloween

This is a story about my 2 dogs.

Last night I went out with my big dog, Dog The Bounty Hunter that is.  

My husband and I went to a Halloween party and looked to this classy couple for inspiration:

The Chapmans

So we became this:

Then I got to come home and cuddle with my other dog.

Isn't he sweet!

My family had a fun Halloween weekend, and I hope that all of y'all did as well!

Jeers - Where nothing goes your way

Don't confuse the new bar I am going to open with the classic  iconic bar in Boston known as Cheers.  Cheers is the place that everybody knows your name, friends meet to laugh, and to have a drink. 

Jeers on the other hand is a place WHERE NOTHING GOES YOUR WAY!  Sounds like a great concept huh?  I think so too.  People laugh at my bar too, except they aren't laughing with you...they are laughing AT you.  People have drinks at my bar, except you aren't so much drinking it as you are wearing it, because it WILL  be spilled on you.  And lastly, people at Jeers, don't only know your name, that chant it.  But don't be fooled the chants aren't positive uplifting make you feel like you can do anything chants, they are Jeers (see what I did there).  The  locals will take your name and turn it into something humiliating, i.e. Chelle would become Smelly Chelle or Smelly Chelle Belly.  

Doesn't it sound like a blast?   I am telling you, it is a cash cow waiting to be born.

Earlier this week I was playing golf with my husband and we decided that we would play in the month's end golf scramble.  Yes!  I mean, I would definitely be an asset to the team because I can drive the ball (kinda).  Then I got asked to sub on Friday.  I took the job because I can't just go around turning down jobs can I?  No.  So Matt was disappointed that I couldn't play in the tourney, but found a suitable replacement.  No harm no foul.  We would both be making money.  Me working, and him sinking a putt for the win. Then today the teacher called me and said, "Oh, thanks, but I think I am going to work friday."  No big deal....guess what that means?  Mama gets to play golf.

PYSCH!!!

As I as hanging up the phone with the teacher and walking in the door my husband was making a phone call to another disappointed golfer.  He had to let them down with the sad news that the team had been filled, but that if someone dropped out he would be next in line.  Aww, shucks.  Always behind the bar.  Which if I could go to Jeers would make me feel right at home. I needed a good ol' "Smelly Chelle" right about then.  

I didn't really think that someone would drop out, but they did.  About 30 min later Matt got a phone call..."Sorry dude, but I can't be on the team, replace me..."  I could hear him on the phone from the other side of the room and I was quietly making my argument, ready to plead my case to be let back on the team.  But no.  I have an honest husband who had already committed that spot to another.  Did I mention that this happened at the same time that I became available.  Was I disappointed?  Yes, but I will never complain about having an honestly husband.  Oh well...  I think they (the 4 golfers) have some bad juju to shake going into the shotgun start tomorrow, they have some big shoes to fill without me there.  Come about hole #6 they are going to be wishing they had my advantage on the red tees.

Now in my ultimate disappointment if I could only go to a bar that would mirror my bad fortune tonight.  Just what I need is a drink spilled on my lap.

It didn't end so badly.  I am eating a big bowl of vanilla ice cream WITH chunks of cookie dough and sprinkles.  And that my friends will be the ONLY option for dessert at Jeers.

See ya there!


P.S.
Dear Matt,
I am not mad, not in the least.  I hope you have fun playing tomorrow and win something cool.
Love,
Smelly Chelle Belly

New Sinus System

I need one, pronto.

I am officially putting out a classified ad for a new sinus system.  The one I have is broken down and for the past two days has left me with the inability to breathe, see, or taste.  

If anyone has a clue as to where I can find a new one....or if you want to get one for me, I would be okay with that.

One of my love languages is giving/receiving gifts, so I mean the perfect way to find favor with me would be to wrap up a brand new nose in a beautiful package and deliver it to me on my doorstep.

Hello Nyquil....Goodnight World.

Oooo, Me Leeky

Tonight with our grilled pork chops we had Vegetable #2 on Chelle's List of Vegetables.

Leeks.

I see them all the time used on cooking shows and I have always been curious.  Granted they look like an oversized green onion, but an exotic oversized green onion in my eyes.  

My leeks look like this:

Most of the recipes I found that called for leeks were soups.  I love soup as much as the next person, but I didn't think that we needed soup and pork chops and broccoli and corn and cake...so I needed to find a way to cook them that went well with everything else on our menu.  I stumbled upon Honest Fare, and Gabi had what looked like a great recipe for grilled leeks.  I was excited to see if they tasted as exotic as I had imagined them to be.

Par boiling them to make sure they are cooked all the way through

After grillling

Rolled up and keeping it hot in the pan with the broccoli.

Um, they were okay.  Definitely not something I would cook again as a stand alone side dish, however, I would use it as an ingredient in another dish.  At least now I know.  Next on the list...Spaghetti Squash.

Going Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Thank you Gwen Stefanie for turning the word banana into such a catchy tune and thank you Matt for buying more bananas than we could eat at the store.  Really, that might sound like a dig at my hubby, but I assure you...it is not.  He went to the grocery store with me last week and I put him and charge of fruit, boy did he hook us up.  We have until today been able to almost all of the fruit that he secured for our family, with the exception of the bananas.  Technically we probably could have gotten one more good day out of them, but realistically we would have just continued to sit there and stare at them as they turned to brown goo in our fruit bowl.

While searching for something to do with the bananas so I didn't have to trash them I found a recipe for a Banana's and Cream Bundt Cake.  Usually the trick when I do something like this is that I NEVER have all of the ingredients that I need on hand.  There is always a random ingredient that you need 1/8 of a teaspoon of that you know leaving out will lead to the dishes certain ruin...so I am left to just wish that I could cook the said recipe.  Amazingly enough, I had everything in my modest pantry, well kinda.  It called for sugar, and I had splenda.  It called for sour cream and I had light sour cream.  Tell me it will work out okay...no seriously, tell me.  I have about 23 more excruciating minutes to wait to find out. 

We are having a guest over for dinner tonight, so I will make Matt test it before we feed it to the visitors...you know in case it is poisoned or tastes that foot.  

I'll eat it!

On a side note, remember what I told you yesterday, about Lowe's...yeah, guess where Matt went today when he got off work?  Lowe's.  Figures, it has become kind of a running joke between the two of us.  The more I say it over and over in my head, and picture myself leaning over my future child's crib (no dad, not in the near future) I think that Lowe's Langford has a nice ring to it...don't you?

They will name Lowe's after our first born child.

They say:

The family that prays together, stays together.  I believe that.

The family that plays together, stays together.  I believe that as well.

What about the family that tackles carpentry projects together?  Before today I had my opinions.  Matt and I are both incredibly stubborn people with dominant personalities so when we both try to tackle a project together it usually ends badly for us.  We are better off each doing our own thing and then complimenting each other on a job well done.  

Since Matt has been back from Iraq he has gotten a bug.  An I want to use a hammer and saw bug, as in our back yard has become the "field of dreams".  If he builds it, they will come.  The weekend started with the successful construction of a pull-up bar and the installation of lights to make our back yard more people friendly at night time.  During the execution of said projects I took a backseat and let my hubby do his thing.  Duece and I stood proudly, albeit nervously at the back door.  We watched, waved, and made glasses of cold water.  In one weeks time, I don't think that the Langford family has gone a single day without making a contribution to the "keep Lowe's open for business fund".  I am fully expecting to be put on their Christmas card mailing list this year.  

Everything is seemingly innocent at this point.  Wife inside the house making cold glasses of water and husband outside sweating with a skill saw and concrete. Then yesterday happened.  We decided to make something together.  After an intense game of Bocce Ball yesterday with our friends Chuck and Lisa, Matt and I decided we wanted a backyard game of our own, CornHole.  A normal couple might just buy one, but why would we do that?  We have skills.  We have tools.  We have a  close relationship with Lowe's.  I was a little skeptical at first, I mean it sounded like a good idea in theory, the instructions looked harmless enough, but our inability to do projects together (the whole stubborn thing) had me a leery.  

I am proud of us, take a look for yourself.

Matt outside of Lowe's.  Yes I actually made him take this picture.  It was quick and no one was looking.

Our Loot

Making the first crucial cut, this determined the outcome of the rest of the project.

(notice the pull up bar in the background?  Nice huh?)

See, he trusts me to measure, and that my friends is a VERY important job.

Putting the pieces together.

Drilling the holes was my favorite part.

The test....Can Chelle use a jigsaw to cut a hole?

YES SHE CAN!

Very proud of my jigsaw handy work. You could say that I got "jiggy" with it.

Almost finished boards.

I owe both of us an apology.  I am sorry that I ever doubted us babe.  We did great!!!  We completed a carpentry project without dying, throwing a hammer, or stabbing each other with a hacksaw.  Obviously we still need to paint them, but we ran out of daylight and dry weather.  I will be sure to post a finished pictured when we get them painted.  

Duece wanted to do something today to, so he did the only thing his paws sans opposable thumbs would let him do, dig a hole...he got caught and got in trouble.  Uh, oh duecy.

"Mom please help me."

Also, tomorrow I am trying vegetable #2.  Leeks, I have NO idea what to do with them, but they use them all the time on Food Network and I have never had them, so they meet the criteria.  If you have a suggestion, I would love to hear it.

Trying new things with Vegetable #1

Now that I have someone to cook for, I have found myself in the kitchen the past few nights cooking some of the old favorites.  While it is nice to have stand by's that you know your family will love, it is really easy to fall into a rut, especially with vegetables.  As I was making the 4 o'clock dash through Kroger I had an epiphany starring at the assortment of fall squash.  Every time I look at them I wonder what they taste like (among other veggies) but I still side with the ever predictable zucchini or green beans.  I have decided that over the next week or two I am going to try new 7 vegetables that normally I would be reluctant to try. Seven is a random number that I just pulled out of my head, so I don't have a reason for that.

"Why not start tonight?", I asked myself. 

Vegetable #1

On the menu at the Langford house is....drum roll please...Acorn Squash!

Technically it was Golden Acorn Squash .  Purrrty...

 First I cut it in half and cut off the top part where the stem was.

 Secondly I took a spoon and scooped out the seeds and the stringy stuff from the middle, just like you would do while cleaning a pumpkin.

 Next I sliced it into 1/4-1/2 in crescent shapes.  And lined them on a baking sheet and brushed them with olive oil. I then sprinkled them with kosher salt, fresh cracked black pepper, brown sugar, and a *dash* of chili powder.

Then I baked them for 5 min @ 400 degrees, flipped them, and then continued to bake for 20 min. 

They were a hit with me and my much more vegetable cautious husband.  I have permission to cook them again.

However, the next time I would make sure to line the baking sheet with aluminum foil, and I would cut them differently, maybe even peel the skin off (even though it was edible, maybe that is just personal preference).  I am lucky that my husband trusts me and has agreed to willingly participate in my vegetable adventure, he only had one stipulation...no olives and I agree.  The only olives in this house are the Olive Yous! 

And here is a riddle for you.

What is hairy, has big ears, and loves ice cream....

DUECE BEAGLEOW!

I am alive, thank you for not calling 911.

Not only am I alive, but I am revived.  In the past five days there was really only one time that I felt like calling 911 might have been necessary and that was because I had not slept in about 27 hours.  A lot had happened in a day and a half...I welcomed my in-laws to GA, cleaned my house, and welcomed my husband home from Iraq!  Did you get that last part?  I welcomed my husband home from Iraq.  I think that is enough justification for not blogging for 5 days.

Homecoming was A-Mazing!  I have never been so excited to have somewhere to be at 4:45 am.  I didn't even go to bed.  I give a big thanks to my friend Katie, who's husband was on the same flight.  She gave to my house at midnight with a bottle of wine and sat here with me for 4 hours while we anxiously awaited the phone call to let us know the plan had landed at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah.  It was tough staying awake.  Anyone that knows me knows that I love to sleep/nap so staying up all night was a big commitment.

We arrived at the field and met up with some other friends who were all there for the ceremony and we waited around in the cold talking and laughing with friends and family just waiting for our soldiers to get there. Finally that booming voice came over the loud speaker and told us that the buses were pulling through the gate.  Screams and more screams as we watched them unload the buses and march across the field.  I stood there patiently as we sang the National Anthem, the Army Song, and the 3rd ID song, listened to a short speech, and finally at lightening speed ran off to find my husband.

*cue music*
Reunited and it feels so good....


Unfortunately, since it was dark...I don't have great pictures.  I just have to keep telling myself that the memories I have are in my heart, and that I don't need photos.  But I do wish I had them...le sigh.  Matt also hired a photographer (thanks Cpt. Ostendorff) but he doesn't know where the cords are for his camera so I can't upload those either.  And in true classy redneck fashion as soon as we got in the car we hit up The Waffle House for breakfast.  Yum, kinda.

It was a really fun filled weekend.  I could have been happy just sitting on the couch looking at Matt, but it was nice to spend time with his family. I have more to blog about but for now I will just share the few pictures that turned out from the ceremony.

We were trying to embarrass the guys and decided to wear these ROGUE t-shirts.  I am pretty confident that I was rockin that "G".

Katie and I waiting, but still incredibly happy.

Mrs. Melanie and Mr. Randy

Me and Julie (thanks for the shirts)

There they are!  You can barely see them behind those trees back there.

I see you!

Getting some love from Addison.  She was very excited to see Uncle Matt.

Me and the girls, bless them for getting up so early!

Me and my beautiful sign.

Unfortunately I didn't get a good one of Matt and I, but he is home and that is what is most important.

Stay tuned for more blog posts about the past weekend!

Butterflies

I have butterflies.  I just found out that my husband is officially back on American soil!  We have a homecoming ceremony in a matter of hours and I am just all flustered and as far from relaxed as a person can get.  I just wanted to let blog world know that I will probably be scarce for the next few days...what with the husband coming home and all.   This is a great way to start the weekend!

The brain has left the building

Before I proceed I need to submit a disclaimer:
Mama and Matt, do not freak out, all is well, everything is fine, Duece and I are currently engaged in a staring contest from across the room.

It is official, I have lost my mind.  My dog can NOT be off the leash unless he is in an enclosed area.  I admit it, I was lazy and when we first got him I did not take the time to train him how to be a good doggy, at least by those standards.  That combined with the fact that he is a beagle, also known as "nose of four legs", doesn't make for a successful walk when unleashed.

This afternoon I was getting ready to leave the house and I was taking Duece with me, and what do I do?  I open the door and say, "Come on Duece, lets go!"  He looked at me like, are you crazy?  And I just stood there, waiting for him to load up in the truck.  Did you pick up on the important step that I forgot?  No, I didn't leash him, and by the time I realized it he was down the street.  What was I thinking?  Obviously now I know why he was looking at me like I had worms coming out of my eyes.  My only guess was that the train wreck of a blog post from last night fried all of my circuits.

But God, being the great all knowing creator that he is, knew how stressed out I was and placed the neighbor and her dog out at their mailbox at the time my lobotomy was taking place.  He stopped, sniffed, and played with the dog and I came along and scooped him up.

I don't think that will happen again anytime soon.  Cardio for the day, Check!

See Mom and Matt, it all worked out.  No lectures please, if I wanted a lecture I would go back to college.

P.S. Here is a little gem for all of you.  Duece gave me a present today.  Isn't that sweet?  I have been working so hard and he recognized how hard I have been working and how tired I have been.  He wanted me to have something from him when I came home from work today.  Poop.  Yep, he pooped in his cage today, and then layed it in.  He is the best dog!

Yes, I would like an order of lazy with a side of busy please.

In the next 3 days I have 4,323,456 things to accomplish.  Impossible?  Most likely.  I have come to terms with the fact that some of the things on my to-do list are going to be just that...things on my list.  I wish I could be lazy, but the fans won't dust themselves and I am also pretty sure that my landlord didn't spring for the self cleaning toilets. 

In my previous life as a LAHW (Lay At Home Wife), I had plenty of time to do things...all sorts of things.  One day I even painted my toenails 3 separate times simply because I could.  However, for the time being I have re-entered the working world as a substitute teacher so that career choice combined with my inability to tell people NO when they ask me to do things isn't the greatest combination, especially this week.  Have I mentioned that my husband comes home this weekend and I have 4,323,456 things to do?

I planned on being off tomorrow, I had saved up all of my tasks for Wed.  I knew I would have ALL day to check, check, check things off my list.  Guess what, I told someone I would sub for them tomorrow.  There goes Chelle's free day.  Guess what, I told someone I would sub for them Thursday to!  See what I was saying about my inability to say no?  So now I am running around like a head less chicken.  

I also learned today that one of the boys in the class I have been in, calls me a name behind my back.  Nice!  I am now Mrs. Lang-fart.  Um, if I deserved that name, I would be cool with it.  If I had bent over in front of them to pick up a piece of chalk and let one rip I would understand and possibly even give out cool points for coming up with such a witty name but I haven't farted in front of them.  I haven't even burped in from of them.  I do not think that Mrs. Langfart is a deserved nick-name when there has been no gas emitted whatsoever.  

I did make a homecoming sign tonight, I am quite proud of it.  You want to see a picture?  I would love to show you a picture but my card reader on my computer isn't working.  It seems like just another way that the universe has decided to conspire against me this week.  So I am officially adding, "find out what is wrong with card reader" to my ever growing list. That brings the grand total up to 4,323,457.

I did blog today, which I didn't do yesterday, so I have that going for me. Bad Chelle (slaps own wrist).  One would think that someone with as much nervous energy as I have right now wouldn't have a problem whittling down a list.  My energy isn't so much making want to DO something as much as it is making me want to worry about it NOT getting done at all.   Yes, I know that is a problem.  

So for now I will just sit back and enjoy the season finale of Teen Mom because now matter how much I want to cuss, I know that my problems are small fries comparatively.  Thank you trashy reality television for putting my life in perspective.

Oh, and did you notice how this blog tonight was all over the place, random, and didn't really follow any one patter of thought?  I thought so.  Try being in my head right now.

And here is yet another pointless paragraph to describe the below picture because the entire time I was typing this my mind was elsewhere.  I was saying over and over in the back of my head, "Right on top of that Rose".  And if you don't know what that means or where that comes from then run, don't walk to the nearest video rental source and rent Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead.  DO IT, NOW!  If Sue Ellen Crandell can handle the dish of life that was served to her, I can handle the next 3 days.  Sue Ellen got the guy in the end and so will I!

Dear Heather Young and Sabrina Hernandez,

This last little bit was for y'all. Consider this your long over-due shout out.

I miss y'all both.

Chelle

To anyone reading this entry:

Please over look any grammatical errors, normally I would try to go back and check and make those corrections to make your reading experience more enjoyable.  However doing so would add one more thing to my list and I just don't have time for that.  I will try better next time.

Peace Out

The Day I felt like DJ Tanner and other life lessons of a substitute teacher

Here are a few things I learned from subbing at Richmond Hill Middle School over the last two weeks:

1.  I believe that with a 95% accuracy I can tell you who will have a criminal record within the next 10 years.

2.  "Manager's Special"  on the lunch menu is a bad thing, and is in fact not "special" in any way!

3.  It is physically impossible for an 8th grader to maturely handle a kissing scene in a movie they are watching in class.

4.  If you make a mistake or say something stupid there is absolutely no way it will just slide under the radar...it will be glaring and they WILL let you know, loudly, and usually in a mocking tone.

5.  Contrary to my belief that 8th graders were born in 1992, they are actually born in 1997.  I felt old, first time that has happened to me in that way.

Oh I saved the best for last.

6.  I want to give this one a title - "The Day I Channeled DJ Tanner"

You feel pretty stupid when you show up for class wearing the same outfit as the student.  Fridays are dress down days for staff at RHMS, that means jeans...a language I can speak.  I was a little concerned, because during the rest of the week I understood that the dress code for teachers was business casual, so I was a little apprehensive even though I had been told jeans were appropriate.  I knew that a t-shirt wasn't a good way to go, so I put on a brightly colored long sleeved button up polo shirt, some dark jeans (cause I think they are dressier) and pulled a pair of brown boots over my jeans.  I looked in the mirror checking myself out, thought I looked good, I even got the two paws up from Duece.

During my 30 min drive to the school I had convinced myself I was dressed too young and that I wasn't going to give off the right image as an educator of young minds.  I flip flopped the whole way there, but without a solution to the problem, I just sucked it up and made my way to the classroom.  "You will be fine Chelle, they don't care what you are wearing," I told myself.  Honestly though, it was the other teachers I was more worried about than the students.  Then my homeroom walked in and I realized that other teachers were the least of my problems.

There standing in front of me was a 5'2 brunette wearing....you guessed it, the exact-same-thing!  Same brightly colored long sleeved button up polo, same dark wash jeans, and same brown boots.  I was mortified.  My friends suggested that I was surely not as embarrassed as that poor girl who dressed like the teacher!  I tried my best to make a joke out of it.  I said, "Hey weren't you supposed to call me last night to let me know if you were gonna wear this?"  That only made it worse.  Poor thing, she sat in silence the rest of the class and I didn't mention it again.  We endured in silence.  

Okay, so I didn't exactly channel DJ Tanner (ala Full House), but when I was talking to my friend Shannon today from Why Not On A Tuesday, she reminded me of something similar happening to ol' Donna Jo.  Except she dressed like the teacher, and didn't look cool AT ALL.  I like to think I did look cool, and as embarrassed as that poor girl must have been, I think on some level she knew how bad-ass we both looked!  Cause unlike DJ, neither of us ate our lunch in the phone booth!

That Cloud Looks Like A Cookie

Oh wait, it is a cookie!  

I spent the last hour of my life making cookies.  I had three people that I wanted to thank, and personally I think that a gift of homemade cookies is the perfect way to say "thanks" without having a spend a ton of money.  I turned to a trusty recipe perfected over time by one of the best cooks I know, Diane Reed.  These little cookies are light, fluffy, look like colored little clouds floating around the sky, and are finished off with a coat of powdered sugar.  All together now...YUM!  I think the recipients of said treats will be really pleased and their tummy's will send a memo to their brain, telling them to ask for more cookies.

I baked and slaved in my hot kitchen.  Whoever built my house, while they put a vent in the ceiling in the kitchen must have to forgotten to actually run a duct thing to it.  That coupled with the hot oven and the hot dishwasher...man it was like cooking on top of a volcano.  Now they are bagged and wrapped and ready to be given to the teacher I have been subbing for the past 2 weeks, the teacher next door who has helped me immensely when I couldn't work simple 8th grade math problems, and the sweet old man down the street who came and helped me fix the hole I put in the wall*.

The Ingredients

Mix, Mix, Mixing Away

Oooo...fresh strawberry flavored clouds

This isn't fake, this is the real deal!

Oh Snap!  Is that what I think it is? 

Why yes...

I made lemon clouds too!

*Dear Matt,

About that hole in the wall...you see what happen was...

  I fell while trying to move the table I bought into the dining room.  It was really heavy, like seriously, if you don't believe me, ask Katie.  I tripped, lost my grip on the table and as I was falling backwards I tried to through the table towards the wall, so the wall could help supports it's weight.  It was too much for the wall to handle, and BAM! a hole.  Don't worry though, as soon as Mr. John from down the street is finished it will look like the rest of the walls in our home (it won't be the only wall with a patch in it, apparently the last renter also had a problem with heavy things and put plenty of their own holes in the walls).  :)

Sincerely,

Me